The quote goes, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure." That may be the case for a select few of us, yet more often I run into the person that does indeed fear that he or she is inadequate. When the door closes and you are alone with your thoughts, perhaps that feeling falls upon you. Whether it be regularly, occasionally, or just that one occurrence, we can avoid creating the habit and making it a constant. If you are open to it, I have the best judge for you.
When we talk about our adequacy, where does the conversation stem? Usually from a comparison, right? After all, that is essentially all that adequacy and worth has become. If there were no one or no thing to compare ourselves to then worth would not be a word. This Saturday morning I ask that we all become a step closer to feeling adequate in our lives. That process starts with allowing ourselves to be the judge.
If you live near Beverly Hills, I don't want to be the one to tell you that you should be prepared for everything material to be a competition. The car you drive, the house you live in, your kid's college fund, etc. It only becomes a competition if you engage the battle. When you throw your hand in the deck then you are in. And that is not to say that once you are in that you cannot remove yourself. But, with any real success worth having, there will be some level of struggle involved. So no need to prepare yourself for a competition that you have no interest in competing in. Use your time and effort to take your hand out and be your own judge.
I spoke on a previous week about the expectation of a raise at work and performing to a level that is deserving of a raise. What about this situation you ask? Your "boss" is still not your judge on what is adequate and what is not. Your "boss" likely writes the checks and gives the promotions, yet if you feel that you're deserving of the raise, have met the criteria that was outlined to you or that you asked to have outlined to you, and you still do not get the raise, then it may not be the place for you. We are not locked in with no options in the place we are currently in, and if we are making healthy decisions in life that compliment our hard work in the office then we should not feel the need to stay in an undesirable situation.
Relationships are no different. Whether they be with family, significant others, or friends. Relationships are not a battle of adequacy in the other half's eyes; they damn sure aren't a battle of adequacy in a third parties' eyes. What it is in any of the senses is being able to show your level of care and your level of effort in a consistent manner. For some, they are financially driven in their giving, and that is acceptable. For some, they are physically or emotionally giving, that is just as acceptable. There is another portion that is verbally giving. And for many there are a combination of these. The most important part is that, whatever the traits are that you decide to display, make them yours and your choice. Do the things that you do for others because you want to, not because of what they want from you. Feedback is good and necessary for growth, yet make sure that when you're receiving feedback, you do realize that it is an opportunity and a choice to change or alter the action, it is not a mandate.
For anybody that reads my blog and follows along with me, at the end of the month of August I would like us all to ask ourselves if we are a step closer, or even complete, in allowing ourselves to be the judge. Taking out the expectation or the trends of society, and choosing who it is we want to be and how we want to represent ourselves. But... remember that it is your own choice.
Signing out for this week's Saturday Morning Coffee. Big thank you again for all of the comments and emails that I have been receiving from this. As long as the numbers are manageable, I will make sure that everyone gets a reply. Questions, comments, concerns are always welcome.